Jason vs. Jordan

Dialog between a certain husband and wife:::

Wife opens the door to the fridge and realizes there is only one piece of her yummy cookie cake left.

Wife:: Someone had some cake yesterday huh?!

Husband:: YEAH I DID!! 

Wife opens the freezer to find some ice cream. 

Wife:: Where's the ice cream?!

Husband smiles and turns his head to the side in a look-how-cute-I-am way.

Wife:: Are you serious?!?! Ughhhh....

Husband:: AND... I put whipped cream and caramel sauce on it!!

Wife:: (no response)

Husband:: I am AWESOME!!

After sitting down to indulge in my amazing triple chocolate cookie cake, I  the Wife looks up and asks my her sweet husband to get her a glass of milk. 

Husband:: Ohhhhhhhh I drank all that too! (Laughs hysterically rolling on the floor)

Wife:: (seriously) Go to Homeland and get me some milk.

Husband:: No!! You're the one who's supposed to keep the fridge stocked!! I've cleaned all weekend!!

... end of his life.